New baby: helping toddlers and preschoolers adjust
Helping toddlers and preschoolers feel positive about a new baby
When a new baby comes, children (especially toddlers) might feel you’re giving all your attention and love to the new baby. If you can be sensitive to these feelings, listen and show lots of affection, it shows your other children you’re still there for them. It also helps them feel secure.
Even though you’ll be busy with the new baby, try to spend some one-on-one time with your other children.
You can also look for times when they can enjoy extra attention from their other parent or a close family member, perhaps reading a story together or playing in the garden.
Most children will be curious about the new baby, so let them gently touch their new sibling – but always be there to supervise.
You could involve your children in caring for the baby. At bath time, for example, they could get some bath things ready or help dry the baby afterwards.
If you also explain to your other children that they don’t have to do too much, it helps to keep things fun and positive.
To encourage your children to get along, give them all lots of positive attention. By doing this, you’re showing them how you’d like them to treat each other – and they’ll do as you do.
Breastfeeding and your other children
If you’re breastfeeding, your other children might be curious about breastfeeding and they might want to watch. They might also want be near you, or even climb into your lap while you breastfeed the baby.
Toddlers and even preschoolers might ask for breastfeed at some point. How you respond depends on what's comfortable for you and in your culture.
Usually, children who are no longer breastfed will find the experience too strange to try more than once. If you’d prefer that your older child didn’t try breastfeeding, you can explain that breastmilk is made especially for babies, then offer a special drink or snack babies can’t have.
You can make breastfeeding a special time for all your children. Here are some ideas:
- While the baby is feeding, give your children a favourite toy, activity or task.
- If your other children are watching, you can explain that the milk helps the baby grow strong and healthy.
- If your other children want to be close, use this time to tell them a story, or watch while they draw you a picture.
- Try playing your other children’s favourite music or some recorded children’s stories, and listening with your other children while you’re breastfeeding.
Challenging behaviour after a new baby arrives: how to handle it
It’s common for toddlers and preschoolers to act up during a new baby’s first year of life.
Changes in behaviour might include:
- crying, yelling and even asking for the baby to be sent back
- going back to behaving like a baby – for example, forgetting toilet training, needing help when eating or dressing, or wanting to be rocked to sleep
- refusing to nap or go to bed and waking during the night
- being angry around the new baby.
Challenging behaviour can be a way of showing you that they want that one-on-one time they’re used to.
Tips for dealing with challenging behaviour
You can encourage everyone to get along, and help your children by:
- praising good behaviour
- telling your children how much they’ve learned and grown since they were babies
- involving children in caring for the new baby
- dealing with children’s behaviour with patience and understanding
