Premature birth: mental and emotional preparation

If you know you might have a premature birth, it’s normal for you and your partner to feel many positive and negative emotions. Get information from nurses and doctors, and speak to other parents who have had a premature birth. Relaxing exercises and positive thinking can help you feel ready for premature birth. It is a good idea to get familiar with the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) before birth.

Getting mentally and emotionally ready for premature birth

If you know you might have a premature birth and a baby who will need to stay in hospital, it’s normal for you and your partner to feel a range of emotions. For example, you might feel joy, love, helplessness, sadness, guilt, fear or worry.

It can help to read up on premature births and premature babies. It is also good to talk to your doctor or nurse and ask questions about premature labour and birth. Speaking to other parents who have had a premature baby will probably help too.

If possible try and participate in antenatal classes at your hospital. Antenatal classes are not just about birth – they also teach you about looking after your newborn.

Staying calm before premature birth

You might feel confused or overwhelmed in the lead-up to the birth. Here are some strategies that can help you stay calm:

Do breathing exercises, muscle relaxation exercises or mindfulness exercises.
Do activities and hobbies that relax you. For example, listen to relaxing music, go for a walk, paint, read or take a warm bath.
Take everything one step at a time. For example, focus on what you need to do today, and try not to worry about what might happen tomorrow.
Focus on positive thoughts – for example, try thinking about your baby in a calm, loving and positive way.
Ask for help if you need it. You can talk to a family member or friend who you trust to listen to you. You can also talk to your doctor or nurse.

Getting familiar with the NICU

Your baby might be taken to the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) after the birth. Babies in NICUs tend to have lots of machines and technology all around them, which can be overwhelming and even scary at first. Sometimes it is hard to imagine the NICU as a nursery.

If you visit the NICU before the birth, it will feel more familiar when you visit your baby there. Your doctor or midwife can arrange this for you.

Preparing siblings for a premature birth and baby

It is a good idea to speak with your older children before you go to hospital.

Talking to your children about what is happening can help them to feel less anxious and confused about the change in plans. They might worry that they caused the baby to come early, or that they’ll catch the baby’s illness. You can let them know that they didn’t do anything and they cannot catch the baby’s illness.

Give your children a rough idea of how long you and their new brother or sister will be in hospital – for example, how many days or weeks. You could make a calendar that your older children can draw on. It can show when they visited, and they can also use it to cross off the days until the new baby comes home.

It’s a good idea to explain that you’ll be spending a lot of time visiting the hospital. It can help children if they know who will be looking after them while you are in hospital or visiting your baby in the NICU.

You could also talk to them about visiting the baby. If you show them pictures of premature babies, they’ll be better prepared for what the baby will look like when they visit. They could do a drawing to give to the baby, so they feel closer to their new sibling.

Preparing yourself mentally and emotionally for premature birth is important. There are also lots of practical things you can do before premature birth to make things easier for yourself and your family.