Biting, pinching and hair-pulling

Biting, pinching and hair-pulling: why babies and toddlers do it

Young children may bite, pinch and pull hair to experiment and explore their environment.

Babies of 6-12 months may try behaviours like biting, pinching and pulling your hair just to explore what happens. 

Babies may also bite when they’re teething because their gums feel sore.

Toddlers might bite, pinch or pull hair because they’re excited, angry, upset or hurt and they don't have words to express these feelings.

Some toddlers might bite, pinch or pull hair because they’ve seen other children do it, or other children have done it to them. They might also do it when they’re fighting with another child.

Babies: managing biting, pinching and hair-pulling

It’s best to give your baby a clear verbal response when he bites, pinches or pulls hair. For example, you can say, ‘No’.

The next step is to remove your child’s hand (or mouth!) and calmly turn away or put her down. If your baby hits, bites or pulls your hair again, respond in the same way.

If your baby is teething, give him something else to bite, like a teether, a cold washcloth or a safe toy. If he’s hungry, offer him a feed.

Babies will repeat behaviour that gets them a lot of attention. So as soon as your child shows a positive behaviour – for example, giving you a gentle touch – reward her with lots of attention.

Toddlers: managing biting, pinching and hair-pulling

A clear, verbal response to biting, pinching and hair-pulling is important. It’s also good to let toddlers know how you feel. For example, you can say, ‘No. No biting. Biting hurts Mummy’.

Your next steps depend on the reasons for your child’s behaviour.

No words for ‘big feelings’ 
If you think your child is biting, pinching and hair-pulling because he can’t find words for his feelings it’s really important to stay calm. You can also help your child learn words for feelings. For example, you could say something like, "No hitting me! Use your words.  You can say, 'Mama, I am very mad!'"

Attention 
Taking your attention away from your child sends her a very powerful message about how you’re feeling. For example, you can turn away or move away from her if she tries to bite you.

Stimulation or hunger
If your toddler is biting because she may be hungry, you could offer crunchy food like crackers or vegetable sticks, a drink bottle with a straw, or a teether.

If your child keeps biting, pinching or hair-pulling, try to respond the same way each time it happens.This will help your child learn about appropriate behaviour. If your child is three or older, you could think about giving her a consequence like a short time-out.

If your toddler bites, pinches or pulls the hair of another child

If your child bites or hurts another child, stay calm and get in quickly with an apology to the child and the other parent. You might also say ‘Your friend Sam is crying because pinching hurts’.

Next, calmly (if possible!) remove your child from the situation.

Older toddlers: talking about biting, pinching or hair-pulling afterwards

It can help to talk about biting, pinching and hair-pulling with older toddlers when you’re both calm. The key is to use language your child can understand.  "You had a hard time playing with Mary today.  Mary was scared when you tried to bite her when she tried to take your toy.  You could say 'Mary, I need this now.  Can we share?'  Then Mary would want to play with you again!" 

After an upsetting incident of biting, pinching or hair-pulling, help your child feel calm again, getting involved with things like playing with sand or water, blowing bubbles, squishing playdough, or drawing quietly.