Can you spoil a baby?

Can you spoil a baby?

The answer to this question is ‘No!’

Babies do need lots of attention, and you might worry – or other people might tell you – that if you ‘give in’ too often or give too much attention, it will ‘spoil’ your baby.

But this won’t happen. You won’t create bad habits by responding to your baby’s needs.

Very young babies don’t think to themselves, ‘I’m going to cry until I get what I want!’

If your baby is crying or fussing, there's a good reason:  it might be because the baby is cold or hungry, has a dirty nappy, or is in pain. Or might just want you to be nearby.

Why it’s important to respond to your baby's cues

Your baby depends on you completely to give him what he needs to grow and develop.

This is good for the baby and good for you.

Babies who have consistent and nurturing relationships early in life quickly develop secure attachments to their caregivers. These babies cope better with stress as preschoolers. They also tend to get along better with other children. And they’re more likely to be physically and emotionally healthier as adults.

Responding to your baby is also good for you, because it helps you feel like you’re doing a good job as a parent. It's stressful to listen to your baby crying and not respond!

Balancing routines and flexibility

You might worry that if you cuddle your newborn when he won’t settle, he won’t get into a sleeping routine.

But the most important thing in the early months is to help your baby develop security by calmly and consistently responding to her needs.

Most newborns don’t have definite day and night sleep patterns anyway. Routines can come later.

But all babies, families, and cultures are different.  Some parents find a simple, flexible feed, play, and sleep routine seems to help their babies and give them a sense of control. Others find that it helps to aim for flexibility rather than routine, especially in the first few months.

At 6-12 months, your baby begins to have some control over his behaviour. This is a good time to start setting gentle limits to form the basis of teaching your child positive behaviour in the future.

Baby sleep: what to expect

If you’re worried about spoiling your baby by giving her too much attention – especially if she won’t settle – it can help to know what to expect from newborn baby sleep.

Although newborns sleep, on average, 16 out of every 24 hours, your baby might do this in short naps. During the first few weeks, while you and your baby are getting to know each other, you can introduce settling techniques that will gradually help your baby to sleep for longer periods.  For example, you might swaddle the baby just before settling her in the crib, play soft music, and let her fuss just a short while when awakening.  You'll know your baby best.

Baby feeds: what to expect

If you feel that your newborn baby is crying to be fed all the time, you’re probably right! In the early days, babies typically need to be fed every 2-4 hours. Responding and giving your baby what he needs is key.

It might help to know that most babies establish a manageable pattern of demand feeding over the first few weeks of life.  Gradually, on their own, they learn to do most of their feeds during the day and have fewer at night.

A calm and happy feeding time is a great opportunity for you to bond with your baby and build the warm and trusting relationship that’s so important to your baby’s development. 

So if friends or relatives are telling you not to "spoil" this little person, be confident in your parenting (and get the help you need!).  Say and think, "I'm giving my new baby what she needs to be secure and happy and to develop well.  When she's older there will be time to worry about other things!")