Fear of strangers: babies and young children

Key points Fear of strangers is normal and common. It can start at around eight months and usually passes by around two years. You can help your child feel comfortable around strangers by being patient and introducing new people gradually. For older children who are afraid of strangers, it can help to work on building independence.

Fear of strangers: the basics

For babies and toddlers, fear of strangers is very common. It’s a normal stage in child development.

It happens as your baby develops a healthy attachment to familiar people – like you. Because babies prefer familiar adults, they might react to strangers by crying or fussing, going very quiet, looking fearful or hiding.

Fear of strangers usually becomes more intense at around 7-10 months of age. It can last a few months or continue for much longer. It usually passes somewhere between 18 months and 2 years.

For example, a 10-month-old baby who has been going to child care since she was 6 months old might get upset if there’s a new carer at the centre. She might cry, bury her head in her mother’s neck or scream when the carer tries to take her from her mum or dad.

Helping with fear of strangers: what you can do

Although fear of strangers is part of normal development for babies and toddlers, there are things you can do to help your child feel less upset.

Helping your child feel comfortable around strangers

Don’t ignore or laugh at your child’s fear of strangers. This could make the fear worse.
Hold your child’s hand or let him sit on your lap when he meets new people.
Introduce strangers first at home, if possible. Home is where your child feels most comfortable.
If your child gets very upset with a new person, comfort her and try a different approach like all playing together. You could also move your child slightly away from the new person until she calms down. Then you can try again.
Take your child’s comfort item (toy or blanket) with you when you’re spending time with new people.
Stay calm yourself.

Taking it slowly

Be patient. Don’t push your child to go to new people before she’s ready. "It looks like you want to stay with me for a little while longer. You can look at a book right here first."
When you introduce your child to someone new, stay with your child.
Ask unfamiliar adults, like extended family or adult friends, to wait for a while before they pick up your child.
For slightly older children, explain to your child who the new person is and what’s happening. For example, say "This is my friend Ann. She likes to play with trucks, too! Ann will stay with you while we go to visit our friends. We'll be back right after you have your bath."

Meeting new people

Keep introducing your child to new people. The more chances your child has to meet new people and discover that they’re safe, the more likely it is that her fear will reduce.
Show your child that you’re not scared of new people. Greet them warmly with positive body language – smiles, relaxed posture, eye contact and a happy voice.
Help older children practise some coping strategies for meeting new people – for example, ‘Let’s take some calm breaths together’ or ‘Here’s a big kiss that won’t wear out all day. Can I have one too?’ These simple strategies can help your child feel more confident around unfamiliar people.
Don’t worry about grown-ups’ feelings. Just tell them that your child is still learning to be around strangers.

Fear of strangers in children over two years

Most children’s fear of strangers starts to pass by about two years, but it isn’t unusual for older children to be afraid of strangers also.

One way to help with worries about unfamiliar people is to work on building your child’s independence. If your child feels more independent, he might also feel more confident around strangers.

Here are some tips to help with independence:

Let your child do things for herself, like feeding herself, exploring new play environments and entertaining herself with toys.
Give your child lots of new experiences and introduce him to new faces. With time, he’ll realise that nothing bad will happen.
Try not to rush in to solve problems, and give your child a chance to work out solutions for herself.
Encourage your child to be responsible for some simple family chores – for example, putting things in the supermarket trolley, checking the letterbox or setting the table.
Help your child learn to settle for sleep away from home. This will help if you need to leave your child at naptime or bedtime – for example, at child care or for a sleepover at a relative’s house.

Getting help for fear of strangers

Most children under age two are a bit wary of being with new people. If your child’s fear of strangers lasts into later years and is really intense, or is getting worse, you might talk with your health provider about your concerns and about different ways to help.