Life as a new dad

Becoming a dad will probably be one of the biggest events of your life.

If you are going through the intense emotions – not to mention lack of sleep – that often come with a new baby, you might be wondering where to start and what to do. You might even be thinking your partner has everything under control, and feeling unsure of what is left for you to do.

First, it is important to know that you have strong innate capacities to bond with, relate with and care for your child. Newborn babies come into the world ready to connect with both their parents.As a dad, you are going to have a huge impact on your child’s life. And that impact starts now. Caring for your child will also enhance your own emotional well-being.

Before your child is born, you must plan to take advantage of parental leave policies, manage your work hours, etc to make sure you are ready to dedicate adequate time for child care and share care and household responsibilities with your partner. This is a great way to start your life as a dad. In the longer term, though, there is a bigger pay-off for using this time to begin your relationship with your child.

Becoming a dad can be a steep learning curve. It might help to hear from other dads in videos on bonding, changing nappies, holding your baby and helping with your baby. Do not hesitate to join fathers’ groups, parental training sessions, discussions with health care workers, etc if available to get more support along your parenting journey.

New dads: tips for getting started

1. Get hands on from the beginning
Your baby is ready to bond with you from birth. Getting involved in the daily care of your baby – dressing, settling, playing, bathing and nappy changing – is the best way to build your skills and confidence. These everyday activities also create lots of one-on-one time with your baby, which is the building block of a positive relationship. Both parents can plan to share these responsibilities from the start.

2. Learn your baby’s cues
Babies give ‘cues’ or signals to what they need through their behaviour and body language. By really paying attention to your baby’s cues, over time you will learn how to work out what your baby needs.

3. Connect through touch
Physical touch makes your baby feel safe and secure and builds trust and connection with you. This kind of bonding with newborns also stimulates your baby’s brain development. You could try carrying and holding your baby as often as you can. If you hold her to your chest, she can hear your heartbeat. Paternal skin-to-skin contact, also known as kangaroo care, particularly for newborns has proved to have health benefits for children.

4. Talk to your baby as often as you can
Talk while you are carrying or changing your baby. For example, ‘Let’s get this nappy changed. That feels better, doesn’t it? Here’s a nice clean nappy. Don’t cry – we’ll be finished soon’. Every word baby hears helps develop her/his language and learning and strengthens your relationship with her/him. Telling stories, reading books or singing songs has the same effect.

5. Help with breastfeeding
Breastmilk is the best food for your baby. Your support for breastfeeding can be vital while your partner is learning. You could give practical support – a glass of water, another pillow or whatever she needs. Or if she is having trouble, you could encourage her to get help. If your partner finds she cannot breastfeed, you could reassure her and seek appropriate advice.

6. Have some one-on-one time
This kind of time is about you and your baby. If you can create moments when your baby has your full attention, you can really tune in to your baby. This gives the two of you a chance to connect and bond. For example, it can be as simple as making faces at each other while you dress your baby.

7. Get the information that you need
Whether it is your first or second baby, there are always new things to learn. You can find information by searching the internet, talking with other dads and attending parenting groups, for example. And one of the best ways to learn is by doing – spending lots of time caring for your baby.

8. Accept or ask for help
If someone says, ‘Is there anything I can do?’, it is okay to say ‘Yes!’ Talk with your partner about when you will accept help from family, friends, colleagues or neighbours. It might be as simple as asking someone to buy some bread for you when they come over to visit. Moreover, when in doubt do not hesitate to reach out for professional help from health workers.

9. Look after your relationship
Having a new baby can put extra strain on your relationship with your partner. Try to stay positive and support each other as you learn how to parent together. Asking how your partner is doing lets your partner know you care. Negotiating and sharing expectations is good practice for later parenting. This can be about everything from deciding on paid work arrangements to who cooks dinner. Sharing child care and household responsibilities helps reduce stress and distribute the sudden increase in burden of work. Support one another in creating a positive, nurturing and caring environment in the household.

10. Look after yourself
If you are well, you will be better able to look after your baby and support your partner. You can keep your energy up with healthy lifestyle choices and as much sleep and rest as you can – even if it’s not at night. Make sure to make time for yourself and address your personal needs.

If you or your partner is having trouble coping with your baby or either of you is feeling really low, don’t hesitate get help from a health professional. You can also read more about postnatal depression and women and postnatal depression and men.