Relationships with preschoolers: ideas and tips

Key points Warm and responsive relationships with parents are key to preschoolers’ development and wellbeing. Relationships with preschoolers change as feelings become more complex and thinking and talking skills develop. Strengthen relationships by listening and talking with preschoolers, doing everyday things together, and giving positive attention.

About relationships with preschoolers

Warm relationships are so important to your child's well-being.

When you have this kind of relationship with your preschooler, he feels safe and secure. A sense of security gives your preschooler comfort during times of crisis like the global pandemic. It also builds her confidence to explore the world and learn. And as your preschooler explores the world, he learns how to think, understand, communicate, behave, show emotions and develop social skills.

Your relationship with your preschooler: what to expect

At this age, your preschooler's developing language, problem-solving skills and social skills. Your relationship might change as a result.

As your preschooler’s ability to use and understand language develops, you’ll start to have longer conversations. These conversations give you the chance to really listen to your child’s thoughts and feelings. This is great for your relationship with your child.

You might find that your preschooler has lots of ‘what’, ‘why’, ‘where’, ‘who’ and ‘how’ questions about the world around him. He can also understand more complex explanations.

Preschoolers are better at understanding and using words to express emotions like ‘happy’, ‘sad’, ‘angry’ or ‘surprised’. And they can begin to understand that other people have these feelings too. These developing emotional skills are good for her relationships with you and other people, now and in the future.

Building a strong relationship with your preschooler: tips

Show that you’re listening when your preschooler is talking. Stop what you’re doing, make eye contact, pay attention to your child’s body language, and use phrases like 'Really?’, ‘Go on’, or ‘And then what happened?’
Give your child plenty of positive attention. This might mean making time to do your child’s favourite activities with her – for example, jigsaws or Lego. Even joining in briefly lets her know that you’re interested in what she’s doing and that you like spending time with her.
Try to be patient with your preschooler’s questions and encourage his interests. If he asks you a question that you don’t know the answer to, you could look it up online together, or ask a friend or family member.
If your preschooler asks about tough topics, answer in simple language and short sentences that your child can understand – for example, ‘Yes, it's hard not to play with your friends because of Covid19. The reason is that we want to keep everyone healthy and safe. Let's think about how you can talk on our phone with David about your new toy."
Play games together like ‘I spy’ or simple board or card games. Turn-taking games like these help your child learn to play cooperatively and get along with people.
Read together. Regular reading with your preschooler creates a special time for strengthening your relationship.
Whenever possible, have family meals together. Family meals can strengthen your family relationships and your child’s sense of belonging.
Encourage your preschooler to help you around the house – for example, by setting the table or putting away laundry. This shows your preschooler that you trust him with responsibility. And chores help your preschooler feel ‘big’ and good about himself.

It’s also important to look after yourself. Even spending a few minutes a day doing something you enjoy like going for a walk or reading a magazine can make a big difference to how you feel about the time you spend with your child. Looking after yourself is good for you, so it’s good for your relationship with your child and her development.