Separation and Comfort

Materials You Need: Objects that your child usually finds comforting.

What You Can Do Together: This is the age at which many babies become very distressed when parents or close caregivers need to leave them for a time - this may be just leaving the room for a few minutes, staying with a neighbour for some hours, or being at a child care centre during parents’ work hours.  Distress is normal. In fact, it shows you how much your baby is attached to you.  He or she knows you and depends on you.  Your job is to reassure your child and to be sure that your child has access to what might help during the separation.

Rather than sneaking away, talk lovingly to your child and assure her or him that you will be back soon and that you will take care of your child.  Your child may not understand the words but will hear your calm, loving tone of voice.  Many children are comforted by their favourite blanket, soft toy, or other objects.  Familiar routines (a bottle, a nap in a familiar place, etc.) also help.  Be sure the non-parent caregiver knows tips to reassure your child if distressed. 

Be confident that this kind of reaction to separation will become less intense over time and, most likely, will disappear entirely.

What Your Child is Learning:  These are important steps in your child’s emotional development.  By giving your child gradual experiences with separation, she or he learns that you always come back (emotional security) and also that comfort can come from other people and experiences (coping strategies).  Your child may continue to be upset at separations for many months, but over time his or her emotions and thinking skills will allow greater success in managing these transitions.