Smacking: what you need to know

Smacking children: what you need to know

Smacking is a physical punishment.

Smacking looks like it works because children stop what they’re doing when they get a smack. But smacking isn’t a good choice for discipline. That’s because it doesn’t help children learn about self-control or appropriate behaviour.  In fact, being smacked gives a child negative images of herself.  She'll begin to think she is unlovable or just a bad person.

Smacking has three other big drawbacks.

First, there’s a risk that smacking might hurt your child.

Second, it can give children the message that smacking or hitting other people is an OK way to deal with strong feelings.

Third, physical punishment like smacking can lead to longer-term problems in children’s health and development. Children who are smacked can become more aggressive than children who aren’t smacked. As they grow, they’re more likely to develop challenging behaviour, anxiety or depression.  You don't want that for your child!

There are better ways than smacking to guide your children towards good behaviour.

Alternatives to smacking: helping your child behave well

One of the best ways for parents to avoid situations where they might feel like smacking is to create opportunities for children to behave well.

First, build a loving, secure relationship with your child.  If your child knows, every day, that she is loved and valued, she's more likely to behave in ways that please you.

Having clear family rules is an important step. Rules let your child know what behaviour you expect, preventing many problems before they start.

Does your child have enough to do?  Look at articles on play for simple ideas to keep your child busy, active (in acceptable ways) and learning.

You can also plan ahead to prevent problems in situations where your child tends to behave in challenging ways. For example, wait until after your child has had a nap or a snack before you take her grocery shopping.

If your child is behaving in a way you don’t like, it’s a good idea to look at what’s going on in your child’s environment. Is something worrying or frustrating your child?  Everyone is stressed by Covid19 restrictions, for example.  With very young children, changing the environment may simply mean moving breakable things out of reach so you're not saying 'no" all the time.

And sometimes just distracting your child in a challenging situation is enough to reduce bad behaviour.

Using consequences instead of smacking

Preschoolers may be old enough to respond to logical consequences of their negative behavior--for example, if your child continues to throw her coat on the floor instead of putting it on, you won't be able to go to the park today.  But consequences will only work in the long term when you combine them with positive strategies to encourage good behaviour.

Consequences aren’t recommended for children under three years old, because abies and toddlers are too young to understand that a consequence has happened because of something they did.

Managing frustration, anger and stress as a parent

Managing your own feelings is an important part of creating a warm and loving family environment that helps your child behave well.

If you can manage your own angry or frustrated feelings in positive and healthy ways – for example, by staying calm, taking a few deep breaths or calmlywalking away – you give your child a great example of how to behave.

If you find yourself getting stressed and angry a lot and you don’t know how to relieve your feelings, it might be worth looking into some stress management and anger management strategies.

And if you feel like smacking your baby or child, put your child in a safe place – for example, a cot – or ask someone else to hold him for a while. Take some time out until you feel calmer. Try going to another room to breathe deeply or calling a family member or friend to talk things through.

If you feel this way a lot, talk to your family health provider or other source of support.

If you’re finding it hard to manage your child’s challenging behaviour, see your family GP or call a parenting hotline for support and advice.