Separation anxiety in babies and children

Separation anxiety is a normal part of development from about eight months. You can help your child with separation anxiety by gently encouraging him to separate from you. This might take practice and praise. If your child’s separation anxiety is severe, long-lasting and interferes with your child’s life, consider seeking professional help.

What is separation anxiety in children?

Separation anxiety is children’s frequent, normal worry about being away from their parents or other carers.

Separation anxiety can start at around 8 months and reach its peak in babies aged 14-18 months. It usually goes away gradually throughout early childhood.

Stranger anxiety is similar to separation anxiety. It’s when children get upset around people they don’t know. It can happen from 7-10 months and usually starts to go away after children’s first birthdays.

These worries are a normal part of development in the first few years. In fact, showing upset when separated tells you that your child really cares about you--as you do for her! 

Helping children  be more comfortable

If your baby has started to be upset when separated from you, there are lots of things you can do to help her.

In new places

  • If you’re leaving your child in a new setting – child care centre, preschool, friend’s house, babysitter – spend time at the new place with your child before the separation.
  • At least at first, let your child take something she loves from home, like a teddy bear, pillow or blanket.
  • Tell your child’s child care centre, preschool or school if your child tends to be upset at separation and let them know what you’re doing to help your child.
  • Gently encourage your child to separate from you by giving her practice. Don't avoid separations but try to give her positive experiences.  Daddy always comes back!

When you’re leaving your child

  • Tell your child when you’re leaving and when you’ll be back. Sneaking out without saying goodbye can make things worse.
  • Settle your child in an enjoyable activity before you leave.
  • Say goodbye to your child briefly – don’t drag it out.
  • Keep a relaxed and happy look on your face when you’re leaving.

At home

  • No matter how frustrated you feel, avoid criticising your child’s difficulty with separation. For example, avoid saying things like ‘She’s such a mummy’s girl’ or ‘Don’t be such a baby’.
  • Read books or make up stories with your child about separation fears – for example, ‘Once upon a time, there was a little bunny who didn’t want to leave his mummy. He was afraid of what he might find outside his burrow …’ This might help your child feel he’s not alone in being afraid of separating from his parents.

Professional help for intense separation anxiety and separation anxiety disorder

You know your child best. Especially with older children or very intense behaviours, you might If you’re worried about his separation anxiety, consider seeking professional help from teachers or health providers.