Talking and listening to preschoolers

Key points Preschoolers love using their developing language skills to understand and explain their world. Preschoolers are starting to use words to describe feelings. They can also use longer sentences and tell longer stories. When your child is talking, show her that you’re listening. And encourage her to listen and take turns in conversation.

Preschooler talking and listening: what to expect

At 3-5 years, you might hear lots of talk and questions from your preschooler. This is because preschoolers:

  • need to practise new words, speech sounds and language skills
  • are constantly fascinated by the world around them
  • learn by talking with people who know more than they do.

Listening to your preschooler

When you show your child that you’re listening, it sends the message that what your child is thinking and saying is important to you.

Here’s how to listen – and show your child that you’re listening:

  • Stop what you’re doing and give your full attention to your child whenever you can.
  • Get down to your child’s level and make eye contact.
  • Tune in to your child’s body language. This can tell you a lot. For example, your child might be shaking with anger or jumping up and down with delight.
  • When your child tells you something, summarise it back to check that you understand what he’s saying.
  • Use phrases that show you’re interested. For example, you can say, ‘Really?’, ‘Go on’, or ‘And then what happened?’
  • Nod, smile and be affectionate when your child is talking.
  • Try to listen until your child finishes telling a story.

Preschoolers love to talk and tell stories! If you can’t listen right now, let your child know. For example, ‘We’re almost at preschool. Would you like to finish the story quickly now or tell me the rest later?’ Make sure to follow through later.

Talking to your child

Your child can use and understand a lot of words, but she still might have trouble understanding what you’re saying sometimes.

Here are some ideas that can help you talk and communicate clearly with your preschooler:

  • Try to say exactly what you mean. Your child might not understand jokes, exaggeration or sarcasm and you might hurt his feelings.
  • Make sure your body language and facial expressions match what you’re saying. For example, smile and make eye contact when you tell your child you love her.
  • If your child can’t understand what you’re saying repeat the same message in a couple of different ways. For example, ‘Put your bag on the hook’ and ‘Pick up your bag and hang it on the hook’.
  • Help your child learn ‘why’ by explaining things when you’re speaking. For example, ‘We don’t ride bikes on the road because we might get hit by a car’.
  • Encourage your child to take turns when you’re talking together. Taking turns to talk also builds your child’s listening skills.  "Anna, it's my turn to talk.  Very soon you can have a turn!"
  • Give your child lots of specific praise and encouragement for good communicating. For example, ‘Thanks for finishing the story when it was time to eat lunch’.

Answering your child’s questions

When you take your child’s questions seriously and take the time to give a real answer, you encourage your child to keep asking questions. This helps your child to learn about the world.  "Hmmm, I don't know the answer to that myself.  It's a hard question. Let's ask your grandmother the next time we talk."