Baby and young child behaviors that may worry you: shyness

It is quite common for babies and young children to be shy. Babies may "cling" to their parents, cry in different social situations, hide or turn their heads away from people to deliberately avoid contact, or close their eyes.

Young children may resort to hiding behind their parents, avoid engaging in play with peers or adults, or refuse to talk when spoken to by people unfamiliar to them.

The child will mostly "warm up" as he/she spends time with the person, or becomes familiar with the situation in which he/she finds him/herself. Sometimes, shyness will not disappear completely, but the child will be increasingly at ease and confident when communicating with others.

What can you do?

  • give your baby or young child time to feel comfortable. Do not insist on contact (either physical - picking him/her up, kissing, hugging, shaking hands, or verbal - answering questions);
  • let the child know that his/her feelings are okay, name them and make it clear that together you will find a way to make the child feel more comfortable (for example, you can say: "I see that you are a little afraid because you don't know these children. Let's first go together and see what's there");
  • be with the baby or young child in new situations or situations that require interaction (such as playgrounds, playrooms). During this time, support the child in exploring the space, toys. Always praise "brave" behaviors - when a child responds, looks at a person, tries something new, makes contact or plays away from you or with someone;
  • be calm and restrained - do not reject the child, but do not comfort him/her too much. Try to present the situation as a normal one, while at the same time showing that you understand that the child feels uncomfortable and that you are there to find a way to make him/her feel better together. Set an example for the child, so that he/she can learn by observing your reactions, adjustments and behavior (for example, when someone addresses you - respond);
  • "Take your child's side." If someone calls him/her shy in his/her presence, feel free to correct him/her in front of the child: "He/she needs some time to warm up and get to know everyone. As soon as he/she is more comfortable, he/she will join the game." This sends a message to the child that you understand how he/she feels, you accept him/her and you are sure that he/she will handle this situation skillfully.

When is shyness a problem? Sometimes shyness can develop into anxiety - excessive worry. If the child has pronounced shyness that interferes with his/her and your functioning (he/she cannot go to certain places, avoids situations that require contact, shows fear or discomfort on playgrounds, in playrooms, etc.) and there is no change, seek professional advice.