Children and parents' hostile divorce

Studies show that about 40% of children worldwide experience their parents' parting, and this is considered one of the more stressful events in life. Children can react in different ways, and most of them adapt to the new situation over time.

When parental conflict continues even after the divorce, it may look like a war in which children are innocent collateral victims. Parental conflict can sometimes be so bitter that children find themselves at the center of it and become subject to manipulation by parents. Manipulating children during divorce is defined as a series of behaviors, verbal and non-verbal messages whereby one parent instills a negative image of the other, in order to distance him/her from the children.

Parents' actions that can be characterized as manipulation are:

  • Nasty comments about the other parent
  • Demeaning and insulting the other parent
  • False accusations of abuse by the other parent
  • Polarization between parents (portraying one parent as completely perfect, while the other is entirely bad)
  • Obstruction or prohibition of meeting the other parent's family members
  • Absence of positive comments, stories and memories involving the other parent
  • Encouraging the child to “exploit” the other parent
  • Excessive indulgence to the child in order to win his/her affection
  • Organizing various pleasant events just at the time when the child is supposed to see the other parent
  • Overcontrolling and encroaching on the time the child spends with the other parent
  • A sad facial expression or verbalizing sadness when the child goes to see the other parent

This behavior on the part of one parent can lead to the child developing the parental alienation syndrome in respect of the other parent. The parental alienation syndrome can manifest in the child through various reactions. The child's reactions will depend on whether alienation is mild, moderate or severe.

If you notice any signs of alienation in the child, contact your chosen pediatrician for assistance. He/she will refer you to specialists who can help you.